REPRINT OF
MYSELF – SHAMELESSLY VAIN
JANUARY 3, 2020
LUCY WARNER
I WAS JUST
CLEANING OUT MY EMAILS AND FOUND THIS. I THINK I DEFENDED BERNIE PROGRESSIVES
FAIRLY WELL, OR AT LEAST PUT UP A GOOD OFFENSE. RARELY DO I WRITE THE AUTHOR OF
A PIECE OR EVEN THE PUBLICATION ITSELF, BUT I JUST COULDN’T LET THIS ONE PASS.
MY TURN NOW!
From:
lucy warner
2/16/2018 at
10:36 PM
To:
letters@nationalreview.com
February 16,
2018
letters@nationalreview.com
ATTN: Heather
Wilhelm
National Review
19 West 44th
Street Suite 1701
New York, New
York 10036
Dear Ms.
Wilhelm,
Your commentary
below has attracted my attention and aroused feelings of my own, which I simply
must send on to you. I’m not going to let this pass without a rebuttal. I first
posted it in my news blog, and now am making you aware of it, since if I don’t
do it this way you will probably never see it. While I do see a sense of humor
in yours, it is also bordering on the truly insulting. Our political atmosphere
is heated enough without this sort of thing, and even people outside of the National
Review staff do have some well-considered ideas. Here are some of mine.
Sincerely,
Lucy M. Warner
904-924-7041
THE UNDERBELLY
OF AMERICAN “CONSERVATISM,” OR “THE CONSCIENCE OF A PROGRESSIVE 2018”
COMPILATION AND
COMMENTARY
BY LUCY WARNER
FEBRUARY 16,
2018
DEAR MS.
WILHELM, MY AIM IS NOT TO EMBARRASS YOU, BUT TO SAY MY PIECE. YOU HAD YOUR
TURN, AND NOW IT’S MINE. I DO HOPE GOOGLE WILL NOT CONSIDER THIS RESPONSE TO
YOU BREAKING THE RULES OF THE BLOGGER PROGRAM. I CERTAINLY WILL USE NO
PROFANITY OR BE AS PURELY RUDE AS YOUR ARTICLE IS. I KNOW THAT THESE ARE
UNDOUBTEDLY YOUR TRULY FELT CONCERNS AND I RESPECT THAT. I WISH YOU WELL, BUT
PLEASE DON’T USE YOUR POSITION AT A WELL-KNOWN RIGHTWING PUBLICATION TO SMEAR A
GOOD MAN. KNOCKING BERNIE SANDERS, A PURIST FOR SURE, BUT BY NO MEANS STUPID OR
INSANE, IS A CHEAP TRICK THAT I’VE SEEN SEVERAL TIMES LATELY, AND I BELIEVE IT
IS A PART OF THE REPUBLICAN PARTY’S PLAN TO STOP HIM. WHY? BECAUSE THEY FEAR
HIM, OF COURSE.
I’M STICKING
WITH HIM, NO MATTER WHAT YOU OR OTHERS LIKE YOU SAY. FAIRNESS MEANS MORE THAN
OBSCENELY GREAT WEALTH, AUTOCRACY, AND MILITARY POWER TO ME, AND “GREATNESS”
CERTAINLY DOES. I WANT THE AMERICA THAT I KNEW AS A CHILD TO COME BACK, WITHOUT
THE BLATANT RACISM, OF COURSE, BUT FAILING THAT, I’M GOING TO CONTINUE WHAT I
CONSIDER TO BE “THE GOOD FIGHT” UNTIL I DIE, OR UNTIL THE COUNTRY CRUMPLES DOWN
OF ITS’ OWN INCREASING VICIOUSNESS. WHEN I WAS YOUNG, THERE WERE
“CONSERVATIVES” THEN, ALSO, BUT THEY DIDN’T INVOLVE THEMSELVES WITH THE
RADICAL, AMORAL, OFTEN INSANE AND IGNORANT FAR RIGHT, AS TODAY’S TEA PARTY
CROWD HAVE DONE. YOU WON’T BRING BACK JIM CROW EASILY, AND IF YOU TRY THERE
WILL BE PANDEMONIUM.
LET’S NOT
FORGET THE NOW KNOWN ROLE OF RUSSIA’S MACHINATIONS IN THAT OUTRIGHT POWER GRAB
OF NOVEMBER, 2016. YOU GUYS ARE RUINING YOUR PARTY. THERE ARE STILL A FEW GOOD
ONES LEFT WHO ARE HUMANE AND COURAGEOUS, BUT NOT MANY. THAT IS SAD. YOU GUYS ON
THE RIGHT TOOK THAT GREAT OLD MOVIE “WALL STREET” TOO MUCH TO HEART. GREED IS
NOT “GOOD,” AND IT NEVER WILL BE, BECAUSE IT IS SO DESTRUCTIVE. DO YOU CALL
YOURSELF A “CHRISTIAN” ALSO, I WONDER?
YOU MAY THINK
THAT TRUMP HAS BETTER POLITICAL VIEWS (WE DISAGREE ON THAT), BUT YOU MUST ADMIT
IN YOUR HEART OF HEARTS THAT HE IS A TOTAL RASCAL IN ALMOST EVERY WAY, GROSSLY
OVERWEIGHT AS WELL, AND HE HAS SOLD THIS COUNTRY OUT TO OUR ARCHENEMY (TREASON,
SURELY) OVER HIS OWN DESIRE FOR POWER, POWER AND POWER. (OH YES, AND MONEY,
MONEY, MONEY.) THERE ARE MANY GOOD CHRISTIAN AMERICANS (MOSTLY NOT
FUNDAMENTALISTS, UNFORTUNATELY) WHO TAKE THE TEACHINGS OF JESUS AS A PLAN FOR
ACTION HERE ON EARTH IN OUR LIFETIME, WITH THE GOAL BEING ABLE TO ACTUALLY WORK
TOWARD PEACE ON EARTH. THEY ARE ALSO BETTER CITIZENS, TOO, BECAUSE THEY AREN’T
TRYING TO TURN THIS COUNTRY INTO A THEOCRACY; THEY JUST WANT TO BE DECENT FOLKS
AND HAVE A MORAL, FAIR DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC.
BEST WISHES TO
YOU. YOU’RE PROBABLY A GOOD PERSON AT HEART. JUST REMEMBER THAT READING GOOD
THINGS – NOT AYN RAND’S MIND-TWISTING BOOKS – IS A WAY TO A BETTER HEART AND
SOUL. I HAVE A PIECE OF ADVICE FOR YOU. CATERING TO THE NEO-NAZIS WON’T HELP
YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS FOR VERY LONG IN THE USA. WE ARE BETTER THAN THAT AS A
WHOLE, AND SOME OF US REMEMBER HITLER AND ABSOLUTE HORROR OF WWII. WE AREN’T
GOING BACK THERE WITHOUT A FIGHT.
AS FOR MY CAR,
THAT’S A FUTILE WORRY FOR YOU. I’LL DO WHAT I DARNED WELL PLEASE, NO MATTER
WHAT PEOPLE OF THE HIDE-BOUND TRADITIONAL VIEWPOINTS THINK. THEY’RE NO FRIENDS
OF MINE. DON’T YOU WORRY. I WON’T TRY TO JOIN YOUR COUNTRY CLUB. OH, YES. MY
COPY OF BERNIE’S BOOK “THE SPEECH” IS ON THE FRONT SEAT WHERE I CAN GRAB IT
FAST TO READ WHENEVER THE TRAFFIC GRINDS TO A STOP. WE HAVE A LOT OF TRAINS
HERE IN JACKSONVILLE. WAITING TEN TO FIFTEEN MINUTES ISN'T UNCOMMON.
P.S. YOU ARE A
CUTE YOUNG WOMAN. I LOOKED AT YOUR PICTURE. I’M AN OLD WOMAN WHO ISN’T VERY
CUTE ANYMORE. BEST TO YOU IN YOUR YOUNG LIFE, AS MINE MOVES TOWARD THE BACK
STRETCHES. PARDON ME FOR DIVIDING YOUR BLOG UP BY PARAGRAPHS. IT’S TRUE THAT MY
WORD PROGRAM TOOK YOURS OUT, BUT I SIMPLY CAN’T READ THAT KIND OF THING. IT REMINDS
ME OF THAT PSEUDO-GREAT NOVEL BY JAMES JOYCE, ULYSSES. I TRIED TWICE TO
READ IT, BUT IT WAS A FAILURE.
WRITERLY
ADVICE:
* “A LEVEL OF
MESS THAT COULD CHEERFULLY BREAK THROUGH BRICK WALLS” –MESS, BEING AN INTANGIBLE CONCEPT
ONLY, CANNOT DO A PHYSICAL ACTION LIKE “BREAKING THROUGH A BRICK WALL,” NOR IS
IT CAPABLE OF BEING “CHEERFUL.” HERE IS ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF THE SAME THING: "[THEIR CAR INTERIORS] LOOK LIKE A CARTOON CRIME SCENE." WHAT IN HEAVEN'S NAME DOES THAT MEAN? I'VE SEEN MANY CARTOONS, BUT NONE WITH CRIME SCENES IN THEM.
ON THE SUBJECT
OF THE “AUTHORITARIAN LEFT,” THE LEFT ARE VERY RARELY
"AUTHORITARIAN," BUT MANY ON THE RIGHT ARE. REMEMBER, "DEMOCRATIC
SOCIALISM" IS A FAR CRY FROM "COMMUNIST TOTALITARIANISM," AND
DEAR OLD ADOLF HITLER WAS, TO HEAR SOME OF THEM TALK ABOUT IT, THE ULTIMATE
“CONSERVATIVE.”
ABOUT THE “33
HUPPMOBILE RAT ROD,” WELL, I BOTHERED TO LOOK IT UP ON GOOGLE, SO I DO KNOW
WHAT IT IS, NOW. I HATE TO TELL YOU, THOUGH, IT’S SPELLED WITH ONLY ONE P.
GOOGLE HAS PHOTOS – A BEAUTIFUL OLD CLASSIC PROBABLY BRITISH CAR THAT LOOKS
LIKE WHAT I'VE SEEN IN SOME OLD MOVIES CALLED A "TOURING CAR." I MAY
BUY ONE IF I WIN THE LOTTO.
AS FOR YOUR
“CONSERVATIVE” PICKUP TRUCK, YOU FAILED TO MENTION THAT IT WILL HAVE A SHOTGUN PROUDLY
DISPLAYED ON A GUNRACK IN THE BACK, RIDICULOUSLY OVERSIZED TIRES, A DIXIE FLAG,
AND AN UNSECURED HALF-LOAD OF LUMBER STICKING OUT THE BACK TWO FEET OR MORE.
MY LEAST FAVORITE "CONSERVATIVE" CHARACTERISTIC, THOUGH, IS THAT DEEP REVERENCE FOR THE SANCTITY
OF “PRIVATE PROPERTY.” PERSONALLY, I HAVE NO ISSUE WITH PRIVATE PROPERTY.
I JUST DON’T PLACE “PROPERTY OVER PEOPLE” THE WAY SO MANY “CONSERVATIVES” OF
ALL STRIPES SEEM TO. WHAT I LACK RESPECT FOR IS SMUGNESS AND
SMALL-MINDEDNESS, ESPECIALLY WHEN COMBINED WITH A LACK OF INTEREST IN HOW
PEOPLE IN POVERTY OR WITH MENTAL ILLNESS HAVE TO LIVE. I ALSO LACK RESPECT FOR
NOSINESS (PEEPING INTO PEOPLE'S CARS) AND AGGRESSIVE EFFRONTERY, SUCH AS YOU ARE EXHIBITING. AS FOR THAT
SINGULARLY EFFETE WORD, “SLACK,” I CAN ONLY REJOIN, “TUT, TUT, TUT,” AS OLD
BOOKS USED TO SAY.
FINALLY, IF I
"CHIDED" MY FRIENDS ABOUT THEIR MESSY CARS, THEY WOULDN'T BE FRIENDS
MUCH LONGER, I'M SURE. WHEN SOME CLEVER SOUL WRITES "WASH ME" ON
MINE, I FEEL A CERTAIN PRIDE, LIKE THE TEENAGED BOYS WITH THEIR PANTS HANGING
DOWN THEIR SKINNY FLANKS UNDOUBTEDLY DO WHEN I GLARE AT THEM.
The Great
Bernie Sanders/Messy Car Correlation
by HEATHER
WILHELM
February 15,
2018 4:00 AM @HEATHERWILHELM
Why can’t
socialists keep their vehicles clean? Across the sprawling highways and quiet
suburban streets of America, a disturbing phenomenon has taken hold. Perhaps
you have noticed it yourself. Perhaps, more troublingly, you are a perpetrator.
It’s somewhat sneaky, but you can see it if you know where to look: There is a
shockingly high correlation between owning a Bernie Sanders bumper sticker and
having an embarrassingly messy car. Lest you scoff, look for yourself. Next
time you see a car sporting a Bernie Sanders sticker, there’s a good chance
that the inside of the car will look like a rabid wildebeest stampede plowed
through a half-hearted garage sale held in that iconic and creepy abandoned
amusement park still standing, albeit somewhat creakily, deep in the heart of
Chernobyl. * * * * At this point, if you have both a tidy car and a Bernie
Sanders bumper sticker, you might be feeling a bit indignant, and
understandably so. All I can say is, congratulations! You should feel proud,
though I do encourage you to chide any of your messy socialist friends.
After all, they
are not only making you look bad. They are also illustrating one of the most
powerful critiques of socialism — if a society expects everyone else to take
care of everything, few will take care of anything — while also giving those of
us on the libertarian-leaning end of the spectrum minor panic attacks about the
perils of U.K.-style nationalized health care and the overall tragedy of the
commons. * * * * I should clarify that I am not talking about junky cars, or
old struggling cars, or cars that have been dinged up and need repairs. Such
conditions are understandable if you can’t afford to fix them. No, no: I am
talking about perfectly nice cars — Subarus or Volvos or Priuses or Leafs — with
interiors that look like a cartoon crime scene. * * * * Cars whose mess is so
overwhelming that you don’t have to be a snoop, nosily peering into windows in
the parking lot, to notice it. It’s a level of mess that could cheerfully
break through brick walls, much like the hopped-up Kool-Aid Man of yore.
Here are things I have seen in cars wearing Bernie Sanders stickers: broken dog
kennels, piles of hangers dangling with dry-cleaner plastic wrap, enough
granola-bar wrappers to fuel a walk down the entire Appalachian trail, empty
two-liter soda bottles, dirty Kleenex piles, half-eaten sandwiches, and one
scornfully unopened copy of What Happened by Hillary Clinton. Often these
things are all mixed together, creating a terrifying mélange of slack. * * * *
People, this is really not that hard: There are trash and recycling receptacles
all around! x 01:28 I admit that my findings are not scientific. They are based
on personal observation. With this in mind, for you sticklers out there, I
spoke with two automobile experts about this troubling phenomenon. It’s a level
of mess that could cheerfully break through brick walls, much like the
hopped-up Kool-Aid Man of yore. The first, Twitter sensation and “freelance
vehicular anthropologist” David “Iowahawk” Burge — you can follow him at
@iowahawkblog, where he serves as one of the rare shining lights in that dark
and unforgiving social-media jungle — pointed me to the “old left/right
libertarian/authoritarian graph.” This framework argues that those on the
left-authoritarian side are more likely to drive a Prius; those on the
right-authoritarian side are partial to Ford F-350s. Right-libertarians like me
should apparently be driving “a Tesla, a McLaren P1, or a ’33 Huppmobile rat
rod,” which is troubling, given that I have no idea what a ’33 Huppmobile rat rod even is.
This is backed
up by numerous studies, by the way: Republicans are more likely to drive pickup
trucks and Mustangs and convertibles,
while Democrats lean more toward hatchbacks and imports and eco-cars. When it
comes to the striking correlation between Bernie Sanders stickers and messy
cars, Burge concurs with my thesis: “It’s a sincere expression of lack of
respect for private property, even their own.” He also went on to explain the
time I saw a sad-looking caged bird in the back of one such car — “Come on,
their cats have to eat something” — and astutely noted that bags of cat litter
often make up a key ingredient in the aforementioned backseat mélange of slack.
* * * * The second expert I consulted, Neal Pollack, a novelist, humor writer,
and reluctant car journalist, is personally lukewarm on the
cars-are-linked-to-political affiliation theory: “Most people, believe it or
not, have little to no political affiliation. They drive cars because they have
no other way to get to work.” But what of the seeming correlation between
having a faded Bernie Sanders sticker and a mortifyingly messy car? “In a true
socialist future,” he told me, “we’d all take the electric tram to work, or at
least to pick up our Universal Basic Income check. Sanders supporters are just
anticipating that day.” By jove! Of course! Suddenly, it all makes sense.
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